Indeed... I have charged across the world. From paradise, through no mans land, into hells scorching plaines. Indeed i have fought battles. and in moments felt so noble, as if the worlds wavering destiny depended solely on my swords grand sway. And here... Here i scramble drowning in the depths of life's final conclusion... Far too mangled to decipher. Far too blurred and gray to swallow. The truth i think, must wallow somewhere among here. You see, in this defining moment, truth is all i really seek... The pangs of not knowing make me think i could endure it, however harsh, however bland. I need truth before i end.
My journey (in life's cruel perspective of retrospect)has been only on the surface. Surface encounters, superficial pains and pleasures. I am hungry for truth. Dear god give me truth...
[WISH GRANTED]
"pang"
Tears fill up my eyes. My lip, it shakes and quivers. How sad...
The futility of it all... It corrodes my very spirit.
The battles -fought, won, lost, tied- mean nothing on deaths doorstep..
The will to succeed... the experiences endured... gave me nothing... brought me here... baffled, sick, near ether and broken...
My creator doesn't care, of the desperation of a man. the desperation of survival. the cruel joke of consciousness.
The grand farce in our innate need to live as if there were meaning...
You, whoever, whatever, even if nothing, have spat the grandest joke of all. What a clever trick - at deaths doorstep, with all i have done, i come to realize, i've done nothing at all...
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